Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
