I think im going to throw up on grandma
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
