I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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