so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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