oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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