9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
