didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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