She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
did i just pee glitter
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize