low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
