Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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