I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
