um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
