Will you blow on my dice?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
