I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
