it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
