We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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