shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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