peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
