What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
