Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
