So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
