I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
