It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
