I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
