you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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