Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight