I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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