Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
