So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
