I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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