I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
