i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
