Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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