fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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