And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
