just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
