none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
