smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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