my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
