You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
