captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
