at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
