eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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