Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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