Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
