she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize