some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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