i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
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