So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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