Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dear god my vagina.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
