That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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