I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
