I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
