the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
