yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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