I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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