It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
