Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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