Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
