I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
