he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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