well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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