Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
