Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No subtext here. People are naked.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
