Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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