Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
