It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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