I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Terrible idea I love it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
