So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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